12 Life Fails in Jakarta

Sometimes when you travel you’re waking up full of adrenaline in the coolest places, absolutely on the top the world. Then there’s times where you're plain lost, confused and accidently doing something culturally inappropriate or hilarious. 

90% of the time, my life in Jakarta was the later of these two.

Living alone in a foreign speaking country was a lot harder than I gave it credit for. My preparation, or lack thereof, was abundantly clear in the hectic, unforgiving city that is Jakarta. 

Sometimes when things aren’t exactly playing into your hands, there’s nothing left to do but laugh. I started to keep note of these not-so-travel-brochure moments.

Laugh with me, not at me.

1.  It's hard to pick just one example of my language fails. One time I confidently stated 'I come from a newspaper'. I don't even know what I was trying to say. Then again, I rarely did in Indonesia.

2.  I once directed a taxi that was five minutes from my apartment to somewhere an hour the compete other way. 

Ok, so that was actually a lie. 

This happened a lot. 

Like everyday a lot.

'Yes, I am giving you wrong directions to my own house'

'No, this is not my first time'

'Yes, I have lived here for a month now'

'Maaf (Sorry)'

3. When I found rats living inside my room I became one of those hysterical white tourists that cannot handle a rodent. I stayed awake for nights paranoid rats would crawl into my bed. I also didn't know how to explain rats in Indonesian. Shout out to my roomie at the time for getting me out of that mess.

4. In Jakarta you can order GOJEK- kinda like UBER but on motorbikes. And these motorbikes can deliver food. And massages. And all sorts of things. It's super cool.
Anyway, one time I tried to order some sushi. I got deep fried prawns.

5. Everytime I'd order a GOJEK to pick me up, my Indonesian skills were too poor to explain directions. I'd just repeat the location five times, mumble something, then pretend the connection was failing and just hope the driver could figure out the GPS location.

6. I desperately needed to do my washing. Like I'm wearing bathers as undies kind of desperate. I was living alone as the only English speaking person in an entire appartment complex and could not understand anyone's explaination of where I could do laundry. 

I ended up washing my clothes in a sink with soap until further notice.
We won't talk about how long that was.

7. Most houses in Jakarta have a gallon water station because tap water is unfit for drinking. This was all good and well until my gallon ran out and I had no idea where or how to get more. I just boiled water on my TINY hotplate for the rest of my time there.
And no, I also won't admit how long that was.

8. My apartment complex decided to get security key cards two weeks into my stay there. Due to my lack of Indonesian and my complex's lack of English, I did not learn how to get said security card. EVERY time I wanted to use the elevator I'd have to play charades with the security guards or opt for the stairs.
I lived on the 12th floor. 

9. I'm about 70% sure I went on a date with a married man. I was under the impression he was just showing me round the city. Until he's inviting me overseas to share a hotel room. 

This was not the only time I was mistaken for some kind of ready-to-go mistess. Apparently happily single solo white female travellers aren't so accepted here. 

10. Indonesia is one of those countries where all of a sudden you're a millionaire because the currancy has undergone some serious inflation. I lost track of the amount of times I lost money from missing or adding an extra decimal. I'm also ashamed of the unreasonably large pile of coins I accumulated becuase I was just too slow to actually pay with them. 

11. I was in Jakarta in the thick of the wet season- meaning heavy rains with no warning. Without fail everytime it rained I had left my umberella at home. I also didn't pack a raincoat or any kind of rain-proof essentails. 

12. I was legitimately sick for the entire 6 weeks I lived and worked in Jakarta. I won't go into the gruesome details, but will instead just give some advice:

Do not, under any circumstance, drink bad water. Do not swim in it. Don't even look at it.

The windy streets of Kebon Jeruk from my Jakarta West apartment

Jakarta definitely won this round. However you can't get rid of me that easily. I'll be back for round 2.

I leave this post with my most-used Indonesian phrase and generally my overall ability in Jakarta.

‘Saya tidak mengerti’ (I don’t understand) 

I came to Jakarta in Janurary to study Bahasa Indonesia and media before completing an internship on TV. I stayed at Wisma Sanita in Ben Hill and Belmont Residence in Kebon Jeruk.

I studied with ACICIS (The Australian Consortium for In-Country Indonesian Studies) in the JPP (Journalism Professional Practicum) and worked at Metro TV

My travels were cut short in Jakarta after illness, but stay posted for my not-so-distant return to my South East Asia adventure. Updates @K_ditch on twitter or subsribe to my posts